there's a saltwater seal on the jar of your ashes

i need the smell of hot tar and warm wood planks beneath my feet, sand gritty against the flat of my foot where i have no arches. i need quarter telescopes that are jammed up with gum, leaving the tourists dissapointed and disgusted. i need to hear a the baloon pop! and then the squeal of the heroine as the hero hands her the prize he just won. i need sunblock, water wings, flip flops. lemonade. i need naturally curly hair as the salt spray sets in. the fae in me needs to fly.

finer than your first grey hair

twinkle twinkle little bat
how i wonder where you're at
up above the world you fly
like a tea tray in the sky

-the doormouse in Disney's Alice In Wonderland

i went to Long Branch again last night. it was wonderful, i went with louis, michael, and christine. it was the first time in a while that we have all been togehter, perhaps the first time since michael stopped living at dominc's. but for however much we have changed in those few months (and we have, you can fee it in the lapses in our conversation during the car ride, when we can not find anything in common to talk about) we were still rolling around on the floor hysterical with laughter thinking of times when we were little, all the stupid things we did, the things we got in trouble for.

i saw a shooting star. i couldn't believe it, it was so tiny, hardly even there, but louis managed to point it out to me. one of the other things that i love about the shore is being away from so many lights, and being about to actually see stars. i am always asking louis to take me to the planetarium. (wow, who actually admits that?) so to see no only a star, but a shooting star, was a gift. but i wasted my wish! i wished for my brain to get better, but i know that i an impossible task. besides, i've been wishing for that on everything: first star, birthday candles, the wishbone.

i should have wished for a poney named delilah.