i stand no chance at all...

i am afraid to put the pen to paper. i have all these words that want to come tumbling, flowing out, but i am afraid to betray myself. i am afraid that there may finally be a line between us, and that i may actually overstep it.

i have no right to writing this today. but i do want to write. know that.

i stand no chance at all...

sometimes, just reading your words breaks my heart. but i don't think i will ever be able to tell you this. there is such a thin line! why would i go through this again..

to keep myself honest for you is to keep decieving myself.

the magic's in the makeup...

i can't believe i had the courage to say some of the things that i did to you. of course, i edited it, stopped myself before i used the words that may have truly change the way we are.

but who am i to judge? for everytime he lies to himself, pushes a feeling, a notion away, i know there is a piece of myself that i hide, that i coverup. at least he has the courage to write about it. or rather, has found the ability to release it in some way. i don't know how. i am too afraid that i will be seen, judged.

too young, they say. and too old, i call him. if we met in the middle, we might act our age.

confessions

i worry about you. i worry because you sell yourself short. you already act as if you have seen all that the world has had to offer and know that there is nothing out there for you. you act like you are trapped, and like the only way you can revive yourself is through the eyes of another.

i worry about you because you alre like me; you easily fall under the spell of words, and those who can twist them. you don't realize that you can spellbind yourself and that maybe you are doing the same that others do to you.

i worry because you fall hard. i worry because no matter how many characters i type, how many letters i commit to paper, how many words that travel through the phone lines, i can't help but feel like i'll never really be there for you.

i worry because we are so alike, yet so different. i worry because i am also afraid. i worry becuause this is the first time i admitted i felt this way.

i worry.

tightrope...

I'm losing you.......I'm losing you
Trust me on this one
I've got a bad feeling
Trust me on this one
You're going to throw it all away
With no hesitation

- The Moment I Said It, Imogen Heap


our friendship is fading. no matter what he or i may say.